I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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