The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
