If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
