if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
