Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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