she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
