yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
