So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
