Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
