I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
