Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
