I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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