I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
