Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
