He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
