So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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