I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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