not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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