I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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