Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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