Banned from zoo.
Again?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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