how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
