they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize