I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
