Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
