hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
