jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
