This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
