drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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