last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
