my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
