Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
