My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
