Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
