That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
