Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
