My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
