I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
