the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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