We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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