No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
