God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
