erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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