You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
