He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
