dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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