You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
