If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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