Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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