I'm so fucking centered right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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