dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
